


Big Fake Smiles and Stupid Lies

by RobberOfATMs



Series: Some Day Love Will Find You [1]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bad Puns, Barry is A Depressed Potato, Canon Divergence, Eddie's alive, Eventual Smut, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Humor, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Len doesn't die, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possible Cisco/Lisa, That I'm actually posting at least, possibly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-30 00:53:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12642816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobberOfATMs/pseuds/RobberOfATMs
Summary: Barry wasn't really sure exactly when it started. Or how. He was fairly certain he knew why though, even if he couldn't place exactly when it started to to go down hill. Again. When it started to go down hill again, to be more accurate.It wasn't the first time Barry had depression. The first time was after his mom died. It got better, everything was fine. Iris and Joe moved on, so did Barry.Or, so he thought, at least.Or, Barry is depressed and Len invites him over to watch movies.





	Big Fake Smiles and Stupid Lies

**Author's Note:**

> Heeyy. So this is my first Coldflash fic that I'm actually putting out there. I apologize in advance for the cringe. Kinda typical stuff I think...Hurt/Comfort and probably fluff. Okay, probably lots of fluff. I love these two. I might eventually do some smut but I'm not sure. For anyone who doesn't want to read it, I will put a notice in the notes at the beginning and put it in a section or something too so you can skip over it.  
> Title from the song Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan  
> Enjoy! :)

Barry wasn't really sure exactly when it started. Or how. He was fairly certain he knew why though, even if he couldn't place exactly when it started to to go down hill. Again. When it started to go down hill again, to be more accurate. It was almost kind of funny to him, in a grim, morbid way. For all the good his speed did, this is one of the things it only made worse. Out of everything, possibly the most horrible. It wasn't the first time Barry had depression.

It wasn't the first time Barry had depression. The first time was after his mom died, but it was mild. He got better, and everything was fine.

Until it wasn't again. When he was in high school, there were a couple years that he got really depressed. But again, he got better. Iris and Joe moved on, so did Barry.

Or, so he thought at least. But then, everything else happened. At first, he was excited about his speed. He was excited about helping people. It's all he's ever wanted to do, really. He was a hero, someone everyone believed in. A symbol of hope and reassurance that he could never be as Barry Allen, forensic scientist. He loved his job, both of them. As the Flash, he symbolized safety, comfort. Protection.

He was also someone everyone relied on. It was his responsibility to keep them safe, protect them. But what good was he if he couldn't save them? Barry Allen, the Flash, Central City's Scarlet Speedster, the quote, "fastest man alive," wasn't good enough for them. He didn't deserve his speed, or faith people placed in him. He didn't deserve his friends, or his family. Whenever he tried to fix things, make things right, he made them worse. He's made too many mistakes, lost too many lives, got too many people killed.

Too many good, innocent people had died because of him. Because he couldn't save them. Central City would have been better off if he _hadn't_ decided to play hero. He wasn't worthy of it, any of it. He wasn't even good enough for Iris, who was getting married to Eddie. He was happy that she had Eddie. He was a good guy, he would protect her, put her first. It hurt like hell, but it was fading. Just like everything else.

If it wasn't for Barry being the Flash, they never would have been betrayed by Wells. So many innocent people would still be alive. Including his mom.

But nobody knows any of this. Of course they didn't. They haven't even noticed anything was wrong. Hadn't noticed that the hero and savior of Central City was slowly wasting away inside. He didn't want to burden anyone more than he already has, so he keeps it to himself, internalizes. Something he's gotten surprisingly good at, even though most people think he wears his heart on his sleeve. He's gotten good at pretending nothing's wrong over the years. Had to, living with a police detective.

Barry takes a deep breath, looking up at his reflection. He quickly washes his face, steels himself, and walks out of the S.T.A.R. Labs bathroom. He sets a quick pace down the corridors, barely looking as he turns the corner, almost colliding head-long into Leonard Snart.

"Whoa kid, _cool_ it," Len smirked at him. Barry rolled his eyes, letting out a soft huff of laughter, keeping up appearances and all.

"Sorry," he told the older man, who had been working with Team Flash a lot lately, ever since he came back from helping the Legends Team. He hadn't said exactly why he did, but Barry gathered it had something to do with Rip and Mick. Barry didn't press for and explanation, especially if Leonard didn't want to give him one. He appreciated the help, and was glad the man was finally seeing he didn't have to follow the path that his father laid out for him, but he wished it wasn't so hard to fake everything around him. Len noticed everything, so one tiny slip-up and the older man would see it, which meant Barry had to be extra careful around him.

"No need to apologize, Scarlet," Len told him, watching the younger man carefully. There'd been something off about him lately, but the speedster refused to say anything about it. To anyone. "Where are you headed?"

"Wha-oh, uh, nowhere." Barry shrugged sheepishly when Len quirked a questioning yet amused eyebrow at him.

"Well, perhaps you should _slow_ down then, Red," Len said. "Wouldn't want you _running_ into anyone else."

The speedster groaned, "Seriously? Is it impossible for you to go an entire conversation without making a pun??"

Len's smirk widened, "Chill, Scarlet. No need to get so worked up about it."

"Unbelievable," Barry muttered, shaking his head and walking past the (mostly) reformed thief.

Len considered for half a second before turning on his heel and following the young hero. "Hey, Kid, not so _fast_." He couldn't help but say, earning a playful glare from the other. "Couldn't help it," he gave a half-formed shrug. The speedster chuckled, shaking his head in fond exasperation, a small smile turning up the corners of his mouth.

When he was alone with Len, he found that most of the time he didn't have to pretend much, the act that he was putting up came naturally. Something about how Len acted when it was just the two of them made him want to relax, made him feel as if he could tell Len anything. Made him _want_ to tell Len _everything._ Which was kinda why he'd been trying to not be alone too long or too often with the other man. Barry couldn't risk breaking down.

Not that he didn't trust the older man, he just couldn't risk breaking down to anyone. It'd give them even more proof of how he couldn't handle this, how much of a disappointment he was.

"Sorry, what?" He asked when he realized Len was talking.

Len raised and eyebrow at him, but repeated himself nonetheless. "Do you have any plans right now?"

"Uh-no, I don't think so," he said intelligently. "W-why?"

"Neither do I, as it so happens," Len commented mildly. "And I was looking for someone to watch a movie with. Wanna join?"

It wasn't an abnormal request, considering the...friendship(?) the two developed. So Barry put on his smile with practiced ease only someone with much experience in faking everything could pull off, "Yeah sure. Why not?"

"Cool." Len smirked as Barry face-palmed, running a hand over his face and through his hair.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know about any mistakes or what you think in the comments. Suggestions/ideas are welcome! Please leave Kudos and comments if you liked it. Thanks! :)


End file.
